The Fallen God
by Alex20
Summary: A last mission, reflections and freedom.


Title: The Fallen God

Disclaimer: BSG is owned by others and is not the property or creation of this writer.

Summary: The last mission of the fallen god.

Here it was, the final moments, his life coming to an end. All around the Pegasus, the battle was going on. The Pegasus itself was the spearhead, drawing fire from the enemy and punching a hole in their line so that the Vipers and Galactica could finish the mission. He had known it was a suicide mission, the mission briefing had given the Pegasus less than a five percent change of survival. But the reward for humanity would be freedom from the Cylon threat.

CIC was nearly deserted now, only those with nothing to live for but the fight were left, he himself manning one of the consoles while giving orders. Men and women lay dead on the floor, the aft bulkhead having blown inwards under the Cylon induced explosions. His XO lay on the ground behind him, a metal fragment piercing his skull, a petty officer slumped over a communication console, her torso ripped apart by the initial blast. Blood had coated many surfaces, some from the dead, some from the living. They all knew they would die, they were determined to take as many of the bastards with them as they could.

The Pegasus was in bad shape now, its engines gone, its hull cracked, only it kept firing, momentum carrying it forward, through the comms system, Adama could be heard ordering the Pegasus crew to abandon ship. The crew in CIC looked to the commander, they knew he wouldn't be leaving, they could see it in his eyes, if he wasn't leaving the rest were staying. The Cylons had left little for them.

The commander stood in CIC, mechanically fulfilling his role, his orders were crisp and sharp as if on drill parade and not in the hell's waiting room. But his mind was elsewhere.

During the battle, his mind replayed the past, he thought it was ironic that he was now commanding the Pegasus. When the Pegasus had shown up he thought it was a miracle, but then under Cain things went from bad to worse, his humiliations as a Viper pilot was reduced to nearly a cargo hauler, a courier. His rank reduced, placed under one of his former subordinates. He knew Cain was trying to break him and in a way she had, he hadn't wanted to come back from the resurrection ship incident, he had died then but the universe wasn't finished with him.

What made the demotions worse was that Starbuck had been promoted over him. Cain seemed to know this would affect him. Starbuck, a constant screw up outside of the cockpit, had been placed over him. Part of it he knew was his own ego talking, but he had always tried to play it straight, even his mutiny against his father had been guided by his oath to protect the colonies. But Starbuck constantly flaunted authority, constantly did things that were forbidden and got away with it.

He always hated being second, yet in this fleet, it seemed he would never be anything but second. In some things it didn't matter but some things did. He would never be able to forgive his father for his actions over the years, he was always a distant second to him, sometimes not even that. In the beginning, it had been the military, the great Adama's family was always second to his military. Then Zak had been there, and Lee had been pushed a bit further back. But that was his brother, his younger brother, so he had understood, a little. What really hurt was that Starbuck, Thrace, was more important to his father than he was. He could see it in them, see it around them and how he treated her. When she screwed up, he forgave her almost immediately, he was lenient with her even after her confession about Zak but him, he was hard on. He couldn't screw up, if he did he would always see his father looking at him in disappointment.

He was always second, always the afterthought. The fleet when they thought of pilots, even back when he was CAG, never thought of Apollo, it was always the hero, Starbuck. Starbuck, who flaunted and wasted her talent on frivolous activities, while he had worked hard to get where he was. One thing he couldn't deny was that she was the better natural pilot but he had worked even harder to bring himself up to her level. His work had made him better all round, he was the prototype colonial soldier, he could lead, fight, plan and negotiate. She could have been the best in the military but she wasted her chances, she lacked discipline. Part of this was the fleet's coddling of her. She could screw-up, abuse trust, break rules and yet nothing would happen to her. Everyone felt sorry for Starbuck when people came down on her, he could sympathise with Tigh. Tigh, himself and almost any other officer screwed up and the fleet vilified them, but Starbuck was their darling. It annoyed him, again he knew part of it was ego.

He remembered how she never really respected his command, she always thought she knew better. It was a problem, the other pilots began to follow her lead. Maybe it had been a mistake, her being the trainer, but no one else had the time. She had to do things her way, she always insulted those in command positions, himself, Tigh, the only two he could remember she didn't were the Old Man and Admiral Cain. She always said she didn't want the paperwork of command, but really it was that she wanted to lead but not have responsibility. Command is a burden, and she didn't like burdens. He understood what it meant to command, he hadn't wanted it in the beginning but his sense of duty demanded he followed through.

He knew he and Starbuck had a frakked up relationship, but she seemed to delight in teasing him. He was no monk, but she seemed to go out of her ways to tease him then pull back. His defence was to try and make light of it, but every time his heart grew a little bit harder. He remembered when he found out about Baltar, he was mad, but all she could do was dangle it in front of him and remind him that he had nothing to do with it. She played up to him then pulled back like it was a big game. Then when Anders arrived, she seemed so happy, he had been with Dee, but she constantly needled him. In a way he had been glad when she had gone to the surface. Things had gotten real bad between them.

Even after the colony disaster, he had kept his distance. Anders had died, he never liked the man didn't trust him. And now he didn't trust her. She had turned her back on the Old Man and the fleet to go live with some pyramid player, all because he had been on Caprica fighting the Cylons. Amazingly enough, that's what the fleet had been doing as well. But the Caprican resistance fighters had gained hero status in the fleet, only just below that of Starbuck. Anders had played on it, Starbuck was blind to it. And Anders knew he could see it, but that the rift between them was too great.

He remembered when Dee had died, he had shut down his emotions completely at that point. He could still remember her dead eyes looking accusingly at him as if it was his fault. She had been on the Galactica, when a human prisoner had broken free and snapped her neck trying to escape. He had been onboard for a conference with his father and the President when the alarms went off.

Yes, he had nothing left, nothing but this fight that would soon be over. The Galactica and the Vipers were in their final stages of the plan, the Pegasus was dying, gouts of flame exploding from its hull to dissipate almost instantly in the vacuum of space. Its guns were falling silent now as the crew died, its mighty hull starting to collapse on itself, but still it kept fighting.

He remembered the hate he felt. He hated his father, who had never respected him enough. He hated the fleet, which had regarded him as a puppet. He hated Dee, for dying in such a stupid way. He hated himself, for wanting to die, for giving up. He hated Starbuck, he hated her for everything she did and didn't say, and for things she did and didn't do. He hated her.

He looked up from his task, the grim faces of his crew looking back at him. The Pegasus had fired its last shots, its terrible weapons were silent forevermore. The comms system sparked into life. The Galactica was reporting success, the mission complete

Lee 'Apollo' Adama relayed the message to his remaining crew. Then, it started. The crew looked at him, and he shouted, "Atten-tion!"

The crew in the ruined CIC snapped to attention, they knew this was it.

"Salute!" came his next words.

The entire CIC crew saluted towards the Commander, who saluted back. The explosions were now gutting the ship, fast approaching CIC.

"Well done, the Pegasus, may her name and her crews' live forever." His last words echoed in CIC and throughout the fleet over the comm. He had left open.

Then it happened, the explosion ripped through them, their bodies gone in an instant.

His last thought, "I'm free!"


End file.
